Today, May 24/2012, I decided to start blogging-seriously.
My academic job filled with some frustrations, like grants not funded, triaged; my papers got rejected.... I have been in the current AP post for 4 years.... hard to believe that long. but my passion for my work is at historically low--yes, I want to admit that, face that, and hopefully fix that, be a happier academic!
My mom was diagnosed with bladder cancer recently, I took some time off from work to be there for her surgery. I wondered what the use of my work? so far away from helping a real patient and family.
My head has a void for more than half a year. In the past, I was too busy to even notice that. Now I'm depressed and have to face and fix it--- in order to move on.
I filled my void with other people's news, things, development, etc.... haha, I spent a lot of time on wxct and weibo, etc. My void was not filled, instead, it's getting bigger and emptier.
I have to face my life bravely. Yes, grants were turned down one by one, low yield work. I have to be persistent. Maybe for the time being, I should be focusing on the manuscripts, which eventually can be published somewhere, someday..... Maybe I should spend more time in the lab, to do some concrete hands-on things, the instant satisfactions may help me avoid some low quality writing hours in front of computer.
I have to do something. Gosh, I love my family, my daughter especially. If I'm a mess, I can't be a good mother, I have walk out this mess, bravely and firmly.
Dear Lord, help me do this, give me strength, wisdom, love, and peace in mind.
I want to be happy academic!
I want to enjoy my job.
Shirley
05-2012
